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Sports Illustrated: Children in Swimsuits Edition

Seriously, who would let their young daughter wear a string bikini

let alone MAKE them one?  For SHAME!

which way should I go, which way should I go?

"Hmm...Horizontal Stripes are looking good, but Vertical lines are slimming.  I really don't want to start over, though.  Heck, I don't think anyone will notice."

Foot Sweater

God I hope the phone doesn't ring or someone comes knocking on the door while you have your feet in this bad boy and you dressed to the nines in your Snuggie.  I would probably never stop laughing if that happened.

Tangrams

Remember playing with those "Tangram" shapes back in elementary school and you were supposed to recreate the picture using ALL of the shapes?  Yeah.  My brain hurts just looking at these.

How to Grow a Chia Baby

 Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia!!!!

Step 1: Pre-soak your packet of chia seeds
Step 2: Spread chia seeds evenly onto the head and feet of your Chia Babytm
Step 3:  Water, Feed, and Change Chia Babytm frequently through out the day
Step 4:  Watch it grow, Grow, GROW!!

How wrong are you, let me count the FAILS:

1.  This is a Mitten.  For a hand.

2.  Wouldn't know this was a mitten if it weren't for the thumb

3.  What did that pointer finger do to you to deserve to be cold?

4.  These mittens make you look like a Muppet

5.  This would be even funnier if the uncovered finger was the middle one.

6.  **caption contest**

Fiber Choice FAIL

FAIL

 It's not "Being Green" to reuse the lint from your Lint Trap to spin into yarn and then be made into a skirt. 

Why do we wear such tight pants?

To show off our bulges....BECAUSE WE'RE TWO WILD AND CA-RAZY GUYS!!!

(oh wait...the one on the left is a chick.  oops)

emphasis on buying enough yarn...

Ever start a project and run out of yarn about half-way, then you go stash diving because you don't have enough money to buy more and see a completely different color all together and think, "Meh, This could work, I guess."...sadly, I am guilty.

I'm sorry, what?

 

I just can't.  Just...no.

I Wonder If She's Angry?

Usually, you don't knit your man a sweater until he gives you a ring.  But if you catch him giving sumthin' to another girl...KNIT ON, MADAM L'FARGE!!

I MADE IT MYSELF!!

Lil Timmy:  Mommy Mommy Mommy!!  Look what I made you in PreSkool today!  My Teacher said that she got it off of Lionbrand.com and it's really HIGH FASHION!!  Mommy.  What does "High Fashion" Mean

Mommy:  It means it was created at 4:20

Special Report: Cozies & Covers...why?

This is a banana Cosie & 2 apple cozies.  The purpose of these items is still unknown but tonight's Special Report will go more indepth into the redonkulousness that is: The Cosie.

I was presented a request by one of my Stitch n' Bitchers, Tabby.  Her request was for me to do a piece on "Egg Sweaters".  Y'know, those egg cosies that look like little sweaters on eggs...even though no one eats Poached, or Prodded, or what ever kind of eggs those are that you put on golf tees.

Well, I decided to make this special report on the "COSIE PHENOMENON" in general.  Back in the dark ages, before there were microwaves and electric tea kettles, people used "Regular" tea kettles to heat their tea water for afternoon tea.  They would transfer this water into a ceramic, glass, or metal kettle (tee-hee, that rhymes).  To keep the water from going cold quickly, they would make Covers or the more cutsie term "Cosies" to help insulate the kajiggers.  From there, people would make cosies to keep many things warm, like their warmed egg thinggies.  Eventually, housewives who knit or crocheted would find themselves with a little too much free-time.  Too much free-time begets bordom, bordom begets creativeness, creativeness begets this:

 

Seriously, I can't drink from something that looks like a car.  Too many bad memories of my days in driver's training.  

Sorry, *ahem* from there, it has now become an obsession with knitters and crocheter's alike.  It's like giving a teenager a wad of money because you're leaving for the weekend and you're trusting them alone with the house.  You can tell them all you want not to blow the money on stuff they don't need & junk food..let alone no parties...but you know you're going to come home to pizza boxes and bags from all sorts of shops in the mall!  Like yarn-a-holics, we have spare yarn that WE SWEAR WE ARE GOING TO DONATE TO CHARITY BECAUSE OUR STASH IS TOO BIG, but you know we just saw this really sweet JAVA JACKET with cute lil' flower applique's!!

There is a point where this becomes too much free time and not enough productivity.  So please, don't let friends have too much free time.  Cosies are the first sign of yarn addiction and an intervention of the person's Stitch n' Bitch group and their yarn store manager.  With a little time and tough love, they will be back to making afghans, sweaters (for people, not food), and mayhaps an accessory or two.

I leave you with a few gems.

The EPIC continues

Hey all!!  A few years ago, a nice lady had ended one of the funniest and most wonderful knitting sites on the internet.  It was called, "You Knit What?!".  It was the only knitting blog that didn't contain patterns that I ever read.  In the last entry, the blogger gave permission to anyone who wanted to continue the Word of Fug.  I will answer the call.  There are some seriously EPIC FAILS in the world of yarn and somebody needs to get these addressed to the public.  So, without further adieu, Here is the first of hopefully a long line of weely WTF's.

WE SUPPORT UNDERAGED DRINKING

This comes from knit.1 magazine.  For those of you who are unaware, this is Seventeen of Knitting Mags.  That aside, this is a great way to raise your teen knitter some standards in boozin'.  Drinkin' your jooz in a brown paper sack is so 1990 gansta.  The '10's are all about hiding your drink with FLAIR!!