Special Report: Children and the Crap We Make Them!!

Why is it that when we, as knitters, crocheters, and crafters in general are compelled to make anything and everything we deem as "Too Cute for Words" when even the mere MENTION of a baby enters our minds?  I, myself at times, find myself victim of this at times when I search for patterns to make my nearly 2 year-old boy.  As a matter of fact, the worse offenders of this ARE the patterns I find for little boys!!  Check some of this out..

And let me tell you, it took me about 15 minutes to even FIND anything for a baby or toddler boy!  Just imagine how much longer it would take me to find anything CUTE!  I'm starting to wonder if there is some parental code that we must make these things for our children because we secretly want to blackmail our kids as teenagers and young adults.  Or as Aunts,Uncles, and Grandparents, we are testing our children's love for us by seeing if they actually make their babies wear such aweful garments "just for us" then throw in the back of the closet.  You know that "Boogey Man" our children fear?  That's what he's made of.  Hand-made sweaters from Grandma Shirley.

Now, don't think that girls are off the hook?  Just because Lil' Girl patterns are easier to find, actually means they get it worse!  Here are some loverly examples of their pain...

But in the end, let us remember the children in our lives we abuse the most in this way...

Our Fur Babies.......(or feather babies as in one particular case)

Special Report: Cozies & Covers...why?

This is a banana Cosie & 2 apple cozies.  The purpose of these items is still unknown but tonight's Special Report will go more indepth into the redonkulousness that is: The Cosie.

I was presented a request by one of my Stitch n' Bitchers, Tabby.  Her request was for me to do a piece on "Egg Sweaters".  Y'know, those egg cosies that look like little sweaters on eggs...even though no one eats Poached, or Prodded, or what ever kind of eggs those are that you put on golf tees.

Well, I decided to make this special report on the "COSIE PHENOMENON" in general.  Back in the dark ages, before there were microwaves and electric tea kettles, people used "Regular" tea kettles to heat their tea water for afternoon tea.  They would transfer this water into a ceramic, glass, or metal kettle (tee-hee, that rhymes).  To keep the water from going cold quickly, they would make Covers or the more cutsie term "Cosies" to help insulate the kajiggers.  From there, people would make cosies to keep many things warm, like their warmed egg thinggies.  Eventually, housewives who knit or crocheted would find themselves with a little too much free-time.  Too much free-time begets bordom, bordom begets creativeness, creativeness begets this:

 

Seriously, I can't drink from something that looks like a car.  Too many bad memories of my days in driver's training.  

Sorry, *ahem* from there, it has now become an obsession with knitters and crocheter's alike.  It's like giving a teenager a wad of money because you're leaving for the weekend and you're trusting them alone with the house.  You can tell them all you want not to blow the money on stuff they don't need & junk food..let alone no parties...but you know you're going to come home to pizza boxes and bags from all sorts of shops in the mall!  Like yarn-a-holics, we have spare yarn that WE SWEAR WE ARE GOING TO DONATE TO CHARITY BECAUSE OUR STASH IS TOO BIG, but you know we just saw this really sweet JAVA JACKET with cute lil' flower applique's!!

There is a point where this becomes too much free time and not enough productivity.  So please, don't let friends have too much free time.  Cosies are the first sign of yarn addiction and an intervention of the person's Stitch n' Bitch group and their yarn store manager.  With a little time and tough love, they will be back to making afghans, sweaters (for people, not food), and mayhaps an accessory or two.

I leave you with a few gems.